I can't make any sort of professional opinion on this. All I can do is draw on my own experiences. Having someone to talk to about what's going on with you, someone you can really trust to keep it between the two of you, has helped me keep going. Someone that can understand what you're going through can prove immeasurably helpful. Keep at it for as long as you need to. You can do this. I'm here for you whenever you need someone to talk to.

I think most of us has had suicidal thoughts. But I know how our the Doctors play us as well. And how we have to cope with it to ourself. My suicidal thoughts start right after I was diagnosed with having epilepsy. My first seizure I guess, what my mother told me. It lasted a few minutes and then started again. I did not remember what had happened the rest of that day. All that I could remember at that time, I was walking to the backyard to where the pot-luck-dinner was at. I had a bowl of pasta salad in my hands. As I handed it to my brother, he asked why I was I shaking, I lost consciousness and I woke-up the next day. At the time I did not know what epilepsy was I never thought about what it does. Some times I would have several seizures per day. And then when I discovered that a lot of my days are passing me by. And now I have been off the medication for about 2 years now I feel a lot better. I still have at the time like auras but nothing happens. And I know that I still have Epilepsy but I will work it out on my own. With me taking the medications my seizures was not lighter, and the meds was causing memory loss and breathing problems. The Doctors wanted me to take more meds And I said no! I am tired of not feeling like me I do not what to be in your control. I was always having side effects then when I would tell a Doctor they would always tell me that the medication did not do it. Like high blood pressure, that my pressure is great until I follow their advice. On a normal time my blood pressure is 118/78. When the the Doctors had me on medication it was 158 and higher over 110 and higher. I am 67 years of age now and happy that I do not live by taking epilepsy medication any longer. It makes one do abnormal things that your not aware of until someone tells you, I am Clonic/Tonic And I have had it since 1972 But it took me another 5 or six years to find out that I was Epileptic because here in Modesto California at Doctors Hospital miss-diagnosed me and called it hyperventilated seizures. Which I always knew they had a screw-loose in the first place.

I never told anyone, not even anyone on this website or my husband but I had those thoughts for a while. I was depressed and so unhappy. I could do it mainly because it would hurt my mother who is 83 years old and she always said she hopes her children will not die before her.
Have you talked to your doctor? You do not need anymore medication but you do need someone to talk to about how you feel and why you would want to take you life.
I am going to keep you in my thoughts.